Hmm. Having a bit of a self-esteem crisis. See, this is what a year of being cooped up in school with horrible, taunting boys such as Ryan does to you.

I had an idea that I could measure myself against Rudyard Kipling's poem "If"; which I have always liked and I think is the benchmark for being a good person. ...does that make sense? Anyway...

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, - hmm...never actually happened but I doubt I'd be exactly calm...
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too, - Can't always trust myself to do a good job, but I can see why people doubt me, if that helps.
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, - Ohhhhh no. I'm the most impatient person ever.
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, - I don't lie maliciously to get revenge on someone, unlike some people I know...
Or being hated, don't give way to hating, - I do occasionally. Not always.
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: - Have to think about that.

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master, - ...oh dear. Wasn't looking forward to this line. I do, unfortunately. A lot.
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim; - Don't think I do...well, not sure.
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same; - eek. I definitely don't.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, - has happened in a few minor cases, but I can usually bear to hear it...
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: - I pray to God this never happens.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss; - I'm not a betting girl.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone, - I *love* this line; but have never had to really force my heart and nerve...and what does "sinew" mean?
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" - Again, never happened, but hopefully I could cope if desperate.

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, - Yep. At least I think I can.
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; - Um...well...
If all men count with you, but none too much, - What?
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, - Again....?
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son! - Do I want to be a man?

So...didn't do too well there, then. I mean, I know it's only a poem, but it does encapsulate so many traits that a good human being should have. Oh dear.

What sort of person am I?

Existential crisis looming...I'll have to talk to my Dad. Where is he, anyway?

• I know that everyone who reads this blog will be sick to death of me harping on about Brokeback all the time.
• I know that the more homophobic readers out there *coughKATMEGANcough* will say silly things like it's "porn" etc.
• I know that there are some slightly explicit bits in there; well, I didn't put them there, did I?
• I know that to many others it may seem like, in the words of Jenny, I'm "turned on by gay people" (which isn't true anyway), and that I'm using it as a fetish. (Again, not true.)

But I don't care about any of that. My blog, my rules, my words, and it's a story about true love. Nothing more, nothing less.

So here you go. Something upbeat about Brokeback Mountain (for a change) that should (hopefully) make you feel happy at the end.

Happy viewing!

P.S. Could someone comment? It feels like a ghost town around here.

Bugger, arse, crap and triple merdeballs; what the hell is wrong with the internet? It keeps on functioning in little bursts. Grrr. GRRRR. Wish did not rely on the bloody thing so much.

Anyway, Summer has officially begun. And why? Chernoblyness! Monday was the welcome party, where I greeted all the Russian kids, all the English ones I hadn’t seen for a year, and was introduced to the new* gorgeous guy (named Rob) who has joined the group. Who is very friendly, actually.

*I say “new”, because for some reason the Chernobyl group is a hotbed for meeting new and rather lovely boys, which is due to Christina and Dave fostering, so nearly every time I go there’s someone new.

So, anyway, tomorrow I’m going to Techniquest with the lot of them, then on Friday it’s the disco, which is always fun. Hurrah! And on Saturday it’s Pirates of the Caribbean (again – although without the costume this time) for the Mashmeister’s birthday. And then her house. And playing Cranium. Hopefully.

(Anybody who has ever been with me at a sleepover knows that I like playing Cranium *very* much. I’m always the only one who knows who the people in it are, anyway. Which is slightly surprising. I though everyone knew who Rick Mayall was. Still, it’s extremely fun acting him out.)

*sigh* I can tell you’re all bored as hell. So I’ll go now. Tum te tum…



"I've got an idea; AND IT'S AS HOT AS MY PANTS!!!"

Have you ever read a book which makes you feel like you can't trust what you supposedly know?

I've just finished reading Ben Elton's High Society, and it has changed my perspective on *everything*. The plot's a bit complicated (there are multiple plots that are all interlinked), but basically it's about British society being fuelled by drugs. It's about hypocritical politicians who take drugs and lie. It's about popstars who take drugs because they can't get any higher than they are. It's about crack whores in London, and teenagers, and corrupt policemen, and journalists snorting coke at the Groucho Club. Long story.

And, if it has any truth in it, it shows a massive insight into the lives of celebrities and what they do in private. And it got me thinking very hard...can we trust the ones we admire?

I mean, think of Jake Gyllenhaal. He's a major star in the Hollywood circuit (and ever since Brokeback Mountain he's been catapulted into BIG fame), he must be incredibly rich, and gorgeous etc, he probably has his own "people" and a large amount of pull; therefore he wouldn't be averse to drugs, like so many other stars wouldn't be. I don't know that, but that's what I'm guessing. And ever since reading that book, I don't know if I can trust him. Not that I trusted him already, because I didn't even know him, but you know what I mean.

Do you think he does that kind of thing? I just hate the thought of him doing it. And I know he might not, and that tons of others must do that, but it's scary knowing that a person you admire and like could be embroiled in something horrible like that.

Could be. Because we'd never know. Am I the only one who finds that frightening?

I love Ben Elton's writing because of the way he throws everything into the spotlight; truths we never knew; about drug use, and how whether it be up with the toffs or down with the "chavs", drugs like cocaine and heroin have horrible and disgusting consequences that we'd *never* known or considered. And while you may think that the users are breathtakingly stupid, you just feel so sorry for them; they're stuck in a cycle they can't get out of.

It sort of reminded me of that twelve year old girl who has just given birth; I was reading about it in a magazine today. On the one hand, you have to be sympathetic because it's clear she comes from a very dodgy background, but on the other hand, she seems to have no inkling of the consequences of her actions. I mean, I don't get it; where did that ridiculous rumour come from, that you don't get pregnant on your first time?

And now she's twelve and she's a mother. When I was twelve I was in my first year at Pate's and still played with my friends outside. Really puts things into sharp perspective, doesn't it?

Poor girl. She has so much potential, and I mean that. Almost everyone (this is my opinion - probably isn't true, but there you go) has the potential to succeed, no matter where they come from. All you need is to work hard and you need to know that you can do it. I mean, there are plenty of times that I've lacked that, but I haven't just given up completely. Giving up gets you nowhere and you'll end up like that girl without a name.

Anyway, should go now. Sorry I sound like an idiot; just feeling very different after reading that book.

Rosby out.

GAGGHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOO! JUST DID A BRILLIANT POST *FILLED* WITN GREAT PICTURES AND IT'S GONE! GONE! KA-BOOM!

*cries*

Hmm.

Anna is clearly taking this argument very seriously.

But come on, people, it's *Jack Twist!* Sure, Jack Sparrow is cool and all, but he does not even COMPARE. How could you possibly compare to THIS?:



I couldn't zoom in close enough on the eyes, but look. LOOK!!! Aren't they *incredible*? You could drown in them, you really could. I just pray to God that they're real. Holy hell, that man is gorgeous. Gorgeous isn't even the word.

(Screencap from roniabirk)

Must go. But Jack Twist prevails!

EDIT: Click on the picture to see THE EYES in more detail.

*yawn*

Just spent about an hour and a half finishing an English essay on Of Mice and Men. Eurgh. I mean, it's a good book and all, and I like it, but I just hate all that itty-bitty analysing we have to do. Still, with a little computer alteration, I changed the title to:

DESCRIBE THE WAY STEINBECK PORTRAYS THEMES OF SH*T AND SH*TLESSNESS IN "OF MICE AND MEN".

(I'm censoring that because it'll be filtered at school if I don't.)

Hmm, wonder how many marks I'd get for that...

But I do like the book though; it makes for very easy reading. Please don't kill me for saying this, but it reminds me a bit of Brokeback Mountain...not because of Lennie and George's relationship (before you say), but all the talk of cowboys having no real life, and always moving on reminded me of the film a lot. I think this bit the most (edited):

"Ranch guys like you and me; they're the loneliest guys in the world. They got no family. They don't belong no place. They got nothing to look ahead to."

"But not us! An' why? Cos I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you!"

And reading that, as weird as it may seem, made me understand the abruptness of which Ennis and Jack get together (in that way) a bit better. A mixture of loneliness and isolation and longing "for a place", that turns into (as Annie Proulx said) "Something not looked for...something deadly." i.e. love.

Yes...I rather like that. Puts a different scope on the whole thing, don't you think? That's my interpretation of it, anyway.

Damn. Why is it that I don't see Brokeback Mountain for at least a fortnight or so, then as soon as I lend it to someone I really want to see it?

Oh dear. I'm obsessed. But not in an unhealthy way! Had better go now; Granny and Grandpa are downstairs, and I must go and socialise.

Farewell!

Ennis and Jack - Brokeback Mountain
Fred and Sally - The Shadow in the North
Sephy and Callum - Noughts and Crosses
Allie and Noah - The Notebook
Henry and Clare - The Time Traveler's Wife
Alex and Lara - Good Bye Lenin
David and Sofia - Vanilla Sky
The Doctor and Rose - hmm...I can't seem to remember...

As you can see, they mainly come from favourites of mine.

Rosby out. Exhausted. Will post later.

Top ten romantic couples:

Ennis and Jack
Fred and Sally
Sephy and Callum
Allie and Noah
Henry and Clare
Alex and Lara
Amy and Max
David and Sofia
Adam and Helen
The Doctor and Rose

Note that those aren't in any particular order of romance (although there's a close cut battle between Ennis/Jack and Fred/Sally to get to the top of the list.)

Your challenge is to work out where in the fictional world (whether it be from films or books) those couples come from!

I'll exempt you from Amy/Max and Adam/Helen because they're friends of mine and you'd never work them out.

Try it!

Och, Tash rocks, y'hear?

Her response to my pathetic drawing on her bebo thingy:

"It's colourful,computer generated, done in 5 minutes, it must be....ART! Lets put in the Tate.....Luvin it Ros. Afterall - you can act, I can draw, and Kat can play the trombone, together we can take over the world......"

Ah, so true.

There was no kiss! NO KISS!!!!!

Oh my God, I am so annoyed about that.

But other than that...OHMYGODWOWEETHATWASINCREDIBLE!!!!

Did anyone else cry? I was in hysterical tears by the end of it. The Doctor cried! Tennant was BRILLIANT in that episode, he really was. But he never said "I love you...", and for some reason I was *really* hoping he would...and there would be a kiss as well!

Damn.

And now it's over.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Gone! Into the dust! Vanished! Nothing more until December!

Speaking of which: The Runaway Bride?

Three words: WHAT THE HELL???

That has to be the weirdest ending I could have possibly imagined. Ever! Catherine Tate!

Sorry, a bit hyper here. I just can't believe it's over. What am I going to do on Saturdays at seven? Ohhhh...*sniff*

I should really go now and recover. Still in slight shock at that weird ending. And furious at the lack of kiss. Grrr...

P.S. Ha! Rose wasn't toast! I was right!

*runs off*

Anatomy of a verbal bitch fight

Oh dear. I knew it was going to happen some time. I mean, ever since our two sides split apart a bitch-fight has been in the cards, sooner or later.

Eek. Not looking forward to it.

Long story, but basically there's been a large argument about a tennis match, which escalated into Maddy, Hannah, etc calling Tash a liar. Tash! Tash is the least person you would expect to be called a liar. She is the most honest person I know. And she isn't a muck-raker, either. But...yes, it has happened, and I get the feeling it is not over. Maddy has left a bitchy comment on Tash's bebo, and I have leapt in to defend her, which means now I'm more involved in the whole fandango than I was before.

I mean, I'm on Tash's side, obviously (anyone who knows Tash well should know that she is a very, very good person and doesn't make trouble for other people, ever. She's just not like that), but I don't want to get roped into arguments which will doubtless lead to upset. Maybe. I don't know.

Although saying that...it wouldn't make much of a difference. Hannah, Maddy etc haven't actually talked to me for months now. The only thing is, they're all knitted together, so if you do something to annoy them they all leap out to the defence. And there are more of them than us.

What amused me was that Emily (part of the enemy group, so to speak), despite doing History, has not caught onto the subject of bias:

Me: Tash is not a liar!
Emily: Well...just talk to Maddy and Hannah.

Is she simple? Consider the source, woman! Honestly. I mean, I know me and Kat are biased towards Tash's point of view, but that's only because we know her extremely well and know that she isn't the kind of person they think she is. Not at all. And if you met her, you'd think that too.

But their group have such a lot of pull...and we don't...

Girl mentality is so complicated. Nobody's ever right and nobody's ever wrong, but everyone has to keep pushing and pushing. It drives me mad sometimes.

So yes, not looking forward to tomorrow, especially.

Actually, hang on, I am, because...I am going to POTC2 with Anna, Beth, Hattie, Megan, Verity, Robin, Katie, and Sam.

And we're all dressing up as pirates.

Hmm...sensing a different kind of mentality.

Anyway, better go. Will report back if I haven't been mown down by all the bitching.

Rosby out with a bang.

Quote of the day:

Rosby: [Holding up a Starburst] Kat, if I eat this Starburst, I will DIE! What do you have to say to THAT?
[Kat looks at the Starburst and back at Rosby]
Kat: Eat it!

Charming.

All right, fine. I guess I'm going to have to have faith in Russell. I'm still a bit pissed, though. I mean, all those ideas out there...and he has to do the same thing as the Series 1 finale.

Plus Cybermen, obviously.

*sigh*

I suppose you have to be an old Who fan to really understand it. I mean, I don't know, I wasn't around in the '60s. Or '70s, or...you get the picture.

La di da di da...bored...

...I am actually bored as hell. Spent most of today pondering a new novel idea, which was actually quite good, but then I discovered a massive plot hole which rendered the whole thing useless. I hate it when that happens. I'll just have to find a way around it.

The only problem is, it contradicts historical events. Kind of. It's a long story. But I'm not sure how to fix it.

Ah well, as the great Ennis del Mar said, "If you can't fix it, you've gotta stand it..."

*ahem*

I'll shut up now, shall I?

Rosby out.


"The bottom line is; we're around each other, and this thing grabs hold of us again...in the wrong place, at the wrong time...and we're dead."




*runs off to escape lynching*

WHAT????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I am in two completely different minds here.

On the one hand, I am PISSED at Russell. What the hell is he doing??? OK, so the Cybermen are back, that's partially acceptable, but THE DALEKS???

This man just won a Bafta! What the hell is he doing? Is he so desperate for ideas that he has to dredge up the old ones? You can't bring an enemy back three times, can you? They died! Twice! How're you supposed to pull it off a third time? And remember the series 1 finale? He's just following the same pattern...AGAIN! He doesn't seem to have put any thought into it, simply reused other people's ideas.

OK, so I'm angry about that part of it.

But on the other hand...wow! That episode was actually fantastic! And the Dalek entrance was great; wasn't expecting it at all. And it was well-written, too.

So all in all...well, as I said, in two minds. I think it's a bit of a dumb idea, but I have confidence in Russell (if I just push Love and Monsters and Boom Town out of my mind) that he CAN pull this off. After all, the man has written some truly fantastic episodes in the past, so he must be able to do something here.

Still...what is it with him? Boom Town, brought back an old enemy, Parting of the Ways ditto, Love and Monsters, got some kid to do it for him.

So yes. Pissed and pleased at the same time. Not sure how that works, but there you go. Pissed at the idea, pleased at the way he's presented it so far.

Gotta go. Will post when I have more time.

COMMENT!!!

...and Rosby is OUT.

*door bangs shut*