Wild and Wandering Thoughts of a frizz-laden loon

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Quote of the day:

"Well, it must have been me! I've got such raw sexual magnetism!"
[Mr Cooper says from behind Rosby]
"Really? You do?"
"Ooooohhhhh GOOODDDDD."

Then as soon as he went away Tash (literally) collapsed onto the desk (and out Physics experiment) in hysterics, and Kat kept yelling, "What? What happened?"

Ho hum. I was going to describe the day, but I really can't be bothered anymore. I started writing my dramatic monologue for English; it's about an old man who loses his wife and can't quite believe it's happened.

"Mmm hmm?"
"If you wanted to compare the word 'empty' to something, like 'it's as empty as' something, what would you say?"
"Hmm...'it's as empty as a jar of peanut butter when a fat man's been at it'."

Typical mad Emily comment there. Still, she did provide 'as empty as my world' which is brilliant considering the depressing nature of the monologue.

On the bus on the way home, me, Elizabeth, Jack, Neil and Jenny established these things:

  • (Put forward by Rosby) Elizabeth and Jack will get married.
  • (Put forward by Rosby) Neil and Elizabeth will get married.
  • (Put forward by Jenny) Neil and Jack will be a gay couple.
  • (Put forward by Elizabeth) Neil will be a house husband with a pinnie.
  • (Put forward by Rosby) Yasmin and Elizabeth will be a lesbian couple
  • (Put forward by Jack) If Rosby ever does become a screenwriter, it's obvious she'll just write parts for David Tennant.
  • (Put forward by Neil) Rosby will be a mad scientist.

There was more, but I can't remember. Basically, me and Jenny spent the whole bus journey in hysterics. Jenny more so than me; she has the sickest mind ever to have been created. Oh, and:

  • (Put forward by Rosby) Jenny will direct porn films

At which point Neil stared at me in horror filled increduilty and said "WHAT did you just say?" Doesn't sound funny but t'was.

Right, toast, then homework. Oh joy.


Saturday, February 25, 2006

I swear, you will never look at these films in the same way again...

Saturday, February 18, 2006

OK, that is IT, people. I accept that my life isn't lion tamingly, bomb diffusingly, snoggingly, travellingroundtheworldingly exciting, and I also appreciate that some people don't have very easy access to the internet, but you could at least have the manners to comment on my blog sometime! I do on yours.

Your punishment is one of my bizarre scenarios.

[The Scene - a dark, smelly room in a warehouse. The room is empty, save for Monty, Marie, Lisa, Kat, Tash, Janine, Sophie, Jack and Elizabeth. They are each tied to a chair with gags in their mouths; writhing furiously to try and get free, shouting through their gags, but to no avail. Suddenly a door bangs open somewhere, and Rosby enters, dragging a chair along with Amy bound to it.]

Rosby: Well, that's the last of them.

[She sets down the struggling Amy and faces everyone, a malicious smile playing on her face.]

My loyal slaves, all at my command. I warned you this would happen! "Comment on my blog!" I wrote, and yet you didn't. And so it has come to this.

Tash: [Struggling violently.] Mmmf pfff ffffff mmmm ffff!

Rosby: [Smiling evilly.] Hmm, had better remove the gag. [She does so.] What did you say?

Tash: [Furiously.] You can't keep us locked up here forever! We've got families! They're going to notice we're gone!

Rosby: Ahhh, I'm afraid you're mistaken there, Miss Evans. For in each of your houses, I have placed decoys where you would usually be, whether it be studying, playing Sims 2, writing a novel, anything. I always knew that my army of Year 7 clones would come in handy...

[She trails off, lost in a reverie. After a moment or two she snaps back to life and smirks.]

But enough monologuing, back to the plan! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at what I have achieved...[She starts to walk away but pauses.] I think taking off the gags will increase the impact of this one...

[She takes off each gag. The warehouse suddenly rings with shouts, bellows and screams. Rosby simply smiles beautifically and walks offstage for a minute or two. She comes back wheeling a tall, blue wooden box. Lisa and Marie stop yelling and stare at it, dumbfounded.]

Lisa: Is...is that what I think it is?

Rosby: [Patting it affectionately.] The very one. It was a lot of work getting it here, I can tell you. I had to fight off a rampaging Russell T Davies, but I managed it. Here it is. The TARDIS. And... [she opens the door.] ...guess what's inside?

[She gropes inside and pulls out David Tennant, still wearing his Doctor costume, clutching the sonic screwdriver, looking very confused. Marie and Lisa look at him, struck dumb with complete and utter shock.]

Kat: Oh...

Tash: My...

Elizabeth: Bloody...

Lisa & Marie: GOD!!!

David: [Waving nervously.] Hello!

Rosby: The one and only David Tennant. He was even more difficult to get here; without this boy's help... [she briefly pulls Binnie out of the TARDIS, then shoves him back in] ...I wouldn't have been able to brew my anti-Tennant anditode. For twelve hours I am immune to his looks, his charm, his teeth...but you, my dear Marie and Lisa, are not.

Marie: [Scoffing.] What, you seriously think you're going to be able to harm us with...

[Before she can finish, David turns towards her and gives her The Smile. She stops talking abruptly, stares at him with an open mouth, gives a faint choking sound, then faints.]

Lisa: Marie!

[David turns towards her. She looks at him involuntarily, her eyes flick to the screwdriver, she mutters something inaudible and passes out too. Everyone else watches in horror.]

Rosby: And for the others... Barrowman! [She brings him out.] Angelina Jolie! [She pulls her out of the TARDIS.] Max! [She pulls him out too. The respective people faint away. Kat, Tash, Jack and Elizabeth are left.]

Hmm...it's more difficult to do it with you. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll find a -

Jack: [Interrupting.] Rosby...

Rosby: [Irritated.] What?

Jack: Exactly when did you steal David Tennant?

Rosby: Yesterday, at twelve o'clock in the afternoon.

Jack: Right...and when did you take the antidote?

Rosby: At the same time! Wait a second. [She looks at the clock; just after midnight. She gasps.] Oh no...oh no...

[On cue, David faces her and flashes the grin. She gives a gasp and staggers backwards. Kat looks at David and then at Tash in despair.]

Kat: Do we really have to endure this?

Tash: Who cares, it's weakening her!

[Rosby is finding it difficult to stay upright. With a final gasp, she collapses to the floor.]

Rosby: [Muttering.] I'm going to kill Binnie...[she passes out.]

[David stops grinning and starts sheperding the new arrivals back into the TARDIS.]

David: Hurry up, come on, come on, that's it...

Kat: Um...how are they all fitting in there? It's really small.

[David gives her a look of utter disdain.]

David: Don't you even WATCH Doctor Who?

And there my (altogether far too vivid) imagination runs out. The moral is: you've got to comment some time!

Thursday, February 16, 2006


Well, according to Blogger, this is my centenary post! But I know that's not right because I deleted a whole wodge of them out of embarassment. Still, hurrah.

May I wish a very happy birthday to Christopher Eccleston. A woo oooooooo....*violin*

It may seem a surprise after reading the last post, but...I MANAGED TO COMPLETE THE MATHS COURSEWORK!!! Hurrah! After a healthy night's sleep, I woke up and suddenly realised what I'd been doing wrong! I would explain, but I don't want you crashing your head down on the keyboard in boredom and possibly injuring yourself.

So after a lot of altering, typing, equations (God dammit), editing, changing, deleting and mumbling to myself (a Maths speciality) I managed to achieve my goal; I can do what I need to at (literally) the click of a button! Yayyyyy.

Also, new discovery; I LOVE Shaun of the Dead. Just love it! It is absolutely HILARIOUS. And disgusting. Simon Pegg rocks! Hurrah! It's going on the list of favey films, methinks. Team America is still top though. Hmm. Is it possible to love Team America and support Michael Moore at the same time?

I've been watching a lot of films lately. WARNING: Do NOT watch The Others in a pitch black room with all the doors open. On your own. You will jump out of your skin at every little noise. Anyway, verrrry good film. Creepy. It also highlighted quite how stupid I am; after relentless Doctor Who watching, just as the actor who plays Charles exits, I sit up and think, Wait a minute...wasn't that Christopher Eccleston?

And also, I thought when I saw Vanilla Sky it was the weirdest film ever. I hadn't seen Fight Club. That film is WEIRD, really really really strange, I'm telling you. My brother had told me the huge plot twist (thanks Joe) before I watched it, so I knew in advance, but it was still totally freaky. And violent.

Edward Norton's a bit of a looker, isn't he? Oh God, we watched Shakespeare in Love on the last day of term. Joseph Fiennes is dreeeeeeeamy. Oh yes.

Still twitching for the new Doctor Who, who is...HIMHIMHIMHIM. The most dreeeeeeeamy of them all. You can scoff. This little frizz-laden loon doesn't care.

I'm (literally) crammed into the spare room at the moment, because *drum roll* The Great Room Decoration that I have been waiting for (literally) YEARS, is finally taking place! Yayyyyyyy!!! So my stuff (and there is a lot of it) has been put into boxes, moved onto the landing, the disgusting caroet has been taken up and me and Dad are going to re-paint it tomorrow! Lalalala.

Should I watch Casanova now?

Yeah, why not. I haven't seen it in a while. (Literally)

Seeeeee ya!


Friday, February 03, 2006

Just a little guarantee: you will not be able to walk down a silent suburban road listening to 'Let's lose it' by Eminem, without suppressing a tremendous urge to start dancing.

Anyway, as soon as it started playing, I felt better. Don't know why, I just did. I suddenly thought, "Screw this silly boy getting my hopes up. I don't need him. Go feminism!"

...does Eminem have this effect on other people?

So anyway, this was just a quick note to say that, according to KT Tunstall, I have found the controls, I'll go where I like. Unfortunately I don't know exactly where I want to be yet. I'll work it out. Have a good weekend!

150 million pounds???????????????

Come off it, they can't just give that much money to ONE person? After all those charities and poor people in the third world who need just a fraction of that money, they're going to give it to ONE person. I find that very immoral.

Anyway, it's been a very weird couple of days, especially yesterday. The lovesickness has turned into a pathetic sort of hopelessness. He doesn't love me. I knew that, obviously, but it did make me a bit upset. Well, unfortunately, it made me very upset. Fortunately the only one who saw me make a scene was Sophie. And my brother.

I feel a bit better today, but it's kind of difficult. Goddammitstupidboysgrrrrr.

Nearly the weekend, oh joy, a mountain of homework to do. I just LOVE Maths and Biology...notnotnotnotnot.

Anyway, I must go before I lose my grip and start pummelling the noisy Year sevens (or eights) around me.

And again, KT Tunstall has done the mind-tapping thing perfectly:

And when I find the controls
I'll go where I like,
I'll know where I want to be.
But maybe for now
I'll stay right here,
On a silent sea.

Meaning that soon I'll recover and pull myself together and move on (for want of a better phrase) but for now I'll just wallow for a while.


Wednesday, February 01, 2006

On my bedroom door a newly stuck piece of paper reads:

Since I am NOT allowed a lock, and therefore some privacy, if you want to come in then KNOCK! Under NO circumstances come in without knocking, otherwise you will suffer a punishment that you will not survive.

I know Mum'll be pissed off, but frankly I don't care. I see it as a great act of meanness that she refuses to let me have a lock. I mean, why not? It's not like I'm going to lock myself in my room and refuse to eat in a sulk, I'm not like that.

She refused to listen to my insistence that every day someone barges into my room without knocking, saying vehmently that they NEVER do, I'm just overreacting. Not true! It happens EVERY DAY! Grrr....*waves fist*

All I ask for is for some privacy when I'm changing, that's all! There seems to be some kind of radar coming out of my door that encourages members of my annoying family to barge in at awkward moments. Hmph. Thanks.

And you know what the most peverse thing is? MUM HAS A LOCK ON HER BEDROOM DOOR!!! Sheer and total hypocrisy! I'll have to work on Dad; he is a lot more lenient.

Sorry if the writing doesn't make sense; I'm listening to Will Smith.

Here he come, he can rock.
He can break dance, he can pop.
He can rap, he can act.
And when it come down to it he can scrap.
Hey there! Here comes Big Will again.

Still suffering from acute...acute...lovesickness. *shudder* It pains me to admit it. Very much. But it is true. And predictably, now it is February, the year is already getting Valentine's Day happy. Our school does a lot of charity stuff on Valentine's Day:

  • Delivering red, white and purple carnations. White for friendship, red for love, purple for other intentions.
  • Kissograms
  • And other crap.

I have an ominous feeling that someone like Ryan, Ben or (God forbid) Tom Percy will send me a carnation just to annoy me. And I'm not being conceited or anything; they do a lot of stupid things like that. I snapped yesterday and beat Mitchell up on the bus, to the best of my ability. He wasn't very damaged, but I managed to let out some pent-up anger at all those FAKE FAGGOTS.

Although saying that, they probably wouldn't want to waste their money. And I KNOW that I won't get a flower from who I want - because a) They don't love me (little drawback there) and b) I can just tell they're not like that. Well, I don't know.

Tash has been casting a lot of dark looks and threats to Kat today on this subject. Kat is planning to send Tash a red carnation from either 'Hols' (who Kat has it in her head that he loves her) or 'J' (Jack Lazenby - *killmaimshoot*). This stems from a little plot me, Tash, Ellie and Hannah carried out in Year 8, when we send a red carnation to Kat from Teddy.

I don't get it - why do horrible, cynical, nasty people like LAURA get boyfriends (although she is going out with Owain - they deserve each other) and nice people like Tash and Kat and others don't? Not that I'm saying we SHOULD have boyfriends, because they're not vital, or anything. I just don't see what people see in people like Laura. And Becky. Does that make sense?

Hmph. I bet they don't get lovesick. They just string people along. They probably don't know what it's like to...well, I don't know. Better stop bibbling at the risk of sounding soppy. And cliched.


From your wonderful frizz-laden, lovesick, philosophical loon.