OK, that is IT, people. I accept that my life isn't lion tamingly, bomb diffusingly, snoggingly, travellingroundtheworldingly exciting, and I also appreciate that some people don't have very easy access to the internet, but you could at least have the manners to comment on my blog sometime! I do on yours.
Your punishment is one of my bizarre scenarios.[The Scene - a dark, smelly room in a warehouse. The room is empty, save for Monty, Marie, Lisa, Kat, Tash, Janine, Sophie, Jack and Elizabeth. They are each tied to a chair with gags in their mouths; writhing furiously to try and get free, shouting through their gags, but to no avail. Suddenly a door bangs open somewhere, and Rosby enters, dragging a chair along with Amy bound to it.]
Rosby: Well, that's the last of them.[She sets down the struggling Amy and faces everyone, a malicious smile playing on her face.]
My loyal slaves, all at my command. I warned you this would happen! "Comment on my blog!" I wrote, and yet you didn't. And so it has come to this.
Tash: [Struggling violently.]
Mmmf pfff ffffff mmmm ffff!
Rosby: [Smiling evilly.]
Hmm, had better remove the gag. [She does so.]
What did you say?
You can't keep us locked up here forever! We've got families! They're going to notice we're gone!
Rosby: Ahhh, I'm afraid you're mistaken there, Miss Evans. For in each of your houses, I have placed decoys where you would usually be, whether it be studying, playing Sims 2, writing a novel, anything. I always knew that my army of Year 7 clones would come in handy...[She trails off, lost in a reverie. After a moment or two she snaps back to life and smirks.]
But enough monologuing, back to the plan! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at what I have achieved...[She starts to walk away but pauses.]
I think taking off the gags will increase the impact of this one...[She takes off each gag. The warehouse suddenly rings with shouts, bellows and screams. Rosby simply smiles beautifically and walks offstage for a minute or two. She comes back wheeling a tall, blue wooden box. Lisa and Marie stop yelling and stare at it, dumbfounded.]
Lisa: Is...is that what I think it is?
Rosby: [Patting it affectionately.]
The very one. It was a lot of work getting it here, I can tell you. I had to fight off a rampaging Russell T Davies, but I managed it. Here it is. The TARDIS. And... [she opens the door.] ...
guess what's inside?[She gropes inside and pulls out David Tennant, still wearing his Doctor costume, clutching the sonic screwdriver, looking very confused. Marie and Lisa look at him, struck dumb with complete and utter shock.]
Lisa & Marie: GOD!!!
David: [Waving nervously.]
Rosby: The one and only David Tennant. He was even more difficult to get here; without this boy's help... [she briefly pulls Binnie out of the TARDIS, then shoves him back in]
...I wouldn't have been able to brew my anti-Tennant anditode. For twelve hours I am immune to his looks, his charm, his teeth...but you, my dear Marie and Lisa, are not.
What, you seriously think you're going to be able to harm us with...[Before she can finish, David turns towards her and gives her The Smile. She stops talking abruptly, stares at him with an open mouth, gives a faint choking sound, then faints.]
Lisa: Marie![David turns towards her. She looks at him involuntarily, her eyes flick to the screwdriver, she mutters something inaudible and passes out too. Everyone else watches in horror.]
Rosby: And for the others... Barrowman! [She brings him out.]
Angelina Jolie! [She pulls her out of the TARDIS.]
Max! [She pulls him out too. The respective people faint away. Kat, Tash, Jack and Elizabeth are left.]
Hmm...it's more difficult to do it with you. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll find a -
Jack: Exactly when did you steal David Tennant?
Rosby: Yesterday, at twelve o'clock in the afternoon.
Jack: Right...and when did you take the antidote?
Rosby: At the same time! Wait a second. [She looks at the clock; just after midnight. She gasps.]
Oh no...oh no...[On cue, David faces her and flashes the grin. She gives a gasp and staggers backwards. Kat looks at David and then at Tash in despair.]
Kat: Do we really have to endure this?
Tash: Who cares, it's weakening her![Rosby is finding it difficult to stay upright. With a final gasp, she collapses to the floor.]
I'm going to kill Binnie...[she passes out.][David stops grinning and starts sheperding the new arrivals back into the TARDIS.]
David: Hurry up, come on, come on, that's it...
Kat: Um...how are they all fitting in there? It's really small.[David gives her a look of utter disdain.]
David: Don't you even WATCH Doctor Who?
And there my (altogether far too vivid) imagination runs out. The moral is: you've got to comment some time!