Hmm. Having a bit of a self-esteem crisis. See, this is what a year of being cooped up in school with horrible, taunting boys such as Ryan does to you.

I had an idea that I could measure myself against Rudyard Kipling's poem "If"; which I have always liked and I think is the benchmark for being a good person. ...does that make sense? Anyway...

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, - hmm...never actually happened but I doubt I'd be exactly calm...
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too, - Can't always trust myself to do a good job, but I can see why people doubt me, if that helps.
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, - Ohhhhh no. I'm the most impatient person ever.
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, - I don't lie maliciously to get revenge on someone, unlike some people I know...
Or being hated, don't give way to hating, - I do occasionally. Not always.
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: - Have to think about that.

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master, - ...oh dear. Wasn't looking forward to this line. I do, unfortunately. A lot.
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim; - Don't think I do...well, not sure.
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same; - eek. I definitely don't.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, - has happened in a few minor cases, but I can usually bear to hear it...
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: - I pray to God this never happens.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss; - I'm not a betting girl.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone, - I *love* this line; but have never had to really force my heart and nerve...and what does "sinew" mean?
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" - Again, never happened, but hopefully I could cope if desperate.

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, - Yep. At least I think I can.
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; - Um...well...
If all men count with you, but none too much, - What?
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, - Again....?
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son! - Do I want to be a man?

So...didn't do too well there, then. I mean, I know it's only a poem, but it does encapsulate so many traits that a good human being should have. Oh dear.

What sort of person am I?

Existential crisis looming...I'll have to talk to my Dad. Where is he, anyway?