I present to you...a result of the most boring German computer lesson ever endured. I wrote the red, Kat wrote the green and Max wrote the black.

Dustin stared at Marissa, his mouth open in surprise. She was standing upside down in a bucket of bananas.
“What on earth…?” he said helplessly.
“It’s good for my karma.” she replied.
He gave a slow nod, although he was still rather confused. A loud explosion echoed from the next room. He ran in there to discover his baby son, with singed hair, grinning, holding a box of armed grenades.
“Ga ga!” he said, pulling a pin out of the next one. Had Dustin had a voice left, he would have screamed, but as it was, he was unable. Instead, he got on the table and got a rolling pin and whacked Marissa on the head.
The baby climbed on top of her and balanced the grenade on her nose. He giggled evilly all the while, as Dustin watched in speechless horror. Dustin climbed into a dustbin because it was his namesake and because he needed a fag.
“Ouch!” he said, landing on a bed of snails. They watched him beady orange eyes, all the time calculating whether he was fresh enough to eat, or whether they should fatten him up first.
Catching sight of the discarded hamburger in the corner of the bin, the snails decided to force it upon him first. With much struggling, bin-rattling, retching and “OH SWEET LORD, NO!” they managed to stuff it into his mouth. Dustin realised he was violently allergic to lettuce. He gave a scream of fear and tried to force his way out. The snails bore their sharp teeth manically.

Back in the house, for some reason the grenade balanced on Marissa’s nose had malfunctioned, and wasn’t going off. Marissa, finally conscious again, was trembling. The baby was cackling with mirth. He reached for a third grenade. Marissa cried, “BOBO – NOOOOOOO!!!” The baby hesitated a moment. Marissa used that moment to roll off the table and sprint out of the room.
The room behind her erupted in a ball of flame. At the same time, Dustin scampered in, fighting off the snails that had crawled all over him.

Ah, who cares anyway? It's not like anybody will comment. Lisa's away, Marie is too busy unpacking, Tash and Kat just can't be bothered...ah well, I will persevere.

Oooooohh.
Ooooooooooohhhhh.
OOOOOOOHHHHHH.
OOOOOOOHHHHHHYYYYEEEEEEEE!!!

Farewell.

PS: COMMENT!!!!!!

P.S.S: LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY BILLIE PIPER!!!

Ooooooh.

I never realised quite how gorgeous Derren Brown actually is. Watch out for his advert, especially when he is wearing the hat and says "Showmanship."

Darnit, what is wrong with the David Tennant website?

Gotta go eat now. Byeeeee!

And PS: is it just me?

• Phil says (directly to me) "At least I don't look like a chicken..."
• Ms Reid says I'm "like a hen clucking around."

Have I missed a few rungs on the evolutionary ladder? That would explain the hair, at any rate.

COMMENT! NOW! UNDER PAIN OF DEATH! DAVID TENNANT! DERREN BROWN!

[After repeatingly trying to find a story on Prince Harry's drug debacle on the school internet and failing due to filtering...]
Rosby: DAMN YOU, BILL GATES!!!

[After a lengthly and heated argument with Tash along the lines of"I'm not gay!" "You might be when you're older!"]
Tash: Ros, let me put this straight. I am straight!

[On being ugly.]
Ros: When my hair and teeth are fixed I will look wonderful.
Kat: ...you just keep telling yourself that, Ros.
Imogen and Alex: [hysterical laughter]

[After Rosby complains about there not being enough cakes for everyone.]
Anna: Ah, that's the trouble with life. So many cakes...
[pause]
Rosby: Don't you mean 'so little cakes'?
Anna: No; the trouble with life. So many cakes.
[eyes dart from side to side.]

[Eyes following a Year Seven with ginormous glasses exiting the hall.]
Anna: Owl man. Another day, another destiny.

Put up the banners, cut the cake, sing with joy in your hearts...yes! For today is the long-awaited birthday of Rosby! As of today I am the grand old age of fifteen years old; legally able to see...well, all my favourite films!

So far, I have recieved:

• My Dad's annual poem.
• Hitchiker's guide to the galaxy DVD from my brother. Unexpected, yet great anyway.
• Maltesers.
• Something from Granny - haven't opened it yet.
• £20 from Granny.
• £10 from Uncle (well, great uncle) Bruce
• Cooly dooly spangly handbag from Tash
• And (the absolute best) The Curse of the Were-Rabbit on DVD! Hurrahhhhhh!!!

Also recived an impromtu card from Elizabeth, Neil and and Jack with drawings of skittles/toast/bus/birthday cake/crudely drawn David Tennant on it.

Then Anna gave me a SUPERB card with David Tennant on it (a proper picture this time) saying "happy Birthday Ros!"

Then Kat came up trumps with a BRILLIANT David Tennant card, made straight from the computer. Hurrah! Obsession!

Made a whole bunch of little cakes last night FROM SCRATCH and am in the process of sharing them out to my various l'il mates. Just like in Primary School. Hehee - Am all growed up now.

Also recieved a Birthday serenade from

• Becky, Jess and Louise
• Dominic (encouraged by Katherine - *kill*)
• Joe, I think?

Ah, love love love them all. Except Becky. And Dominic. So yes, today has been brilllll so far; later I have Tae Kwon Doe and I am finally getting my do buk (white thingy with the belt) and I have a mountain of English coursework to do. Thanks Ms Reid.

More presents next Friday at the party! Huzzah! Speaking of which, I'd better check everyone can come...

*toodles away munching a cake*

A quick review

Well, I saw Brokeback Mountain yesterday.
Well, I managed to get into Brokeback Mountain yesterday, (which is a miracle in itself…)
Well, I wept copiously at the end of Brokeback Mountain yesterday.
Well, I loved Brokeback Mountain.

It was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant…and NOT (before Kat and Tash butt in) because of the willy aerobics! There was only one instance of that, right at the beginning.

(If you don’t want to know the ending it’s probably not wise to read on.)

Oh, it was so sad, the way that they loved each other so much and could only meet a few times a year. Did anyone else choke up when Jack said, “I wish I knew how to quit you!”?

I think the best bit was a little while after that, when Ennis puts his arm around a young Jack and softly sang something (darn American accents – couldn’t hear what he said, or sung) and then walked away, and the older Jack, twenty years later, looked back at him and looked so sad and love-torn…ugh, it was heart wrenching.

In the good sense, though.

Another tear jerking moment…when Ennis gets his postcard back and it has “deceased” stamped on it, and he just stares at it for ages.

And yet another…when he’s at Jack’s house and finds his shirt, with blood on it, and hugs it and starts crying…(as did the rest of the cinema, including me.)

So yes, absolutely fandiddlytastic film. Reduced me to tears, so it must be good.


I'm sorry, I'm not really conveying how good this film is. It will make you think about it for hours on end the next day. It will make you reevaluate how painful love really is. Sorry if I sound sappy, but it's true. Anyway, gotta go!

Rosby presents...part 2 of The Great History Note Writing!

(Part 1 is on Kat's blog so you have to go there for it to make any sense.)

I am in blue
Kat is in red

Depends what size TV it is…if it’s one of those portable ones then probably not.
One of the mysteries of life. E.g: Why do mean people like Becky Y get (albeit nasty) boyfriends?
Don’t know and/or care. You have only written 4 words in about ½ hour…
(Kat is telling me to write this)…that’s about 1 word every 7 and a half mins.
…and one of them is “of”.
If you’ve already written 4 words, why the hell are you starting again?
COS I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE!!! *hysterical sobbing*
I’ve written 71 more words than you AND I MADE IT ALL UP! (8 mins left).
…what? Oh.
How can you be writing quality stuff when you’ve only written 4 words???
I’ve now written 15 words, hahaha.
Yes, quality not quantity…
Exactly.
I was joking.
*shoots Kat in the head*
For the benefit of any people who may read this, Kat is now dead and the lesson is over. Ciao! Worship David T!
*scribbles out last statement*
Poor, deluded girl. Byeeeeee!

THE END

First question: How do you get onto 'Blogs of Note'? Because I was having a look at today's one and it looked rubbish; just a bunch of pictures of the Nintendo DS thingy. Cieran would love it, I suppose.

Anywaaaayyy, hahaha, have spent the day at home because WE HAD AN INSET DAY!!! And I missed my worst day of the fortnight! Thank you Mr Kemp, supreme ruler of our lowly school.

Damn. Was going to do the sad thing and go and see Brokeback Mountain on my own (because, hey - do you actually talk to your friends while at the cinema?) but damn and blast it wasn't on till evening. Evening when I can't go.

Me, Dad and Mum spent most of yesterday evening debating about Brokeback Mountain yesterday at the dinner table, actually. My Dad, who is a bit old-fashioned, was being very scathing and scoffy about it (despite the fact that he's never seen it) and me and Mum were defended it and saying it was really good (which was ridiculous in itself, because we haven't seen it either).

I think me and Mum probably won; Dad was making the point that cowboys are supposed to be strong/tough/manly etc and I made the following rebuttal (approx.):

"But Dad, the thing is, the reason why this film is so good and everything is that it's different to all those other samey, happy-ending love stories that are on now. That why it's so acclaimed and won so many Oscars, it's because it broke away from that cliché you just described, as well as many others."

He didn't have an answer to that. Ha! And plus - if you're gay, who says you're not tough/strong? Unfair sterotype.

Mum and me then accused Dad of being homophobic, which was a little unfair really, because he isn't. He denied this furiously:

(By the way, Jeffsy is my Dad's best friend.)

"Listen, I was going to gay bars when gaiety was on the verge of being illegal!"
"You went to gay bars?"
"Yes!"
"Hang on, you weren't actually gay, back then, were you?" (To Mum) "Was he gay?"
"No I wasn't gay!"
(To Mum, sotto voce.) "Gay with Jeffsy!"

At which point Mum and me burst into hysterical laughter, therefore ruining the sotto voce idea. The debate was much longer, and much more complicated and intelligent than that, but sleep had fuzzled (what???) my memories, so...yeah.

I also told them about my surprise when I found out that Katherine hadn't heard of Brokeback Mountain or Dustin Hoffman. And yes, I know that different people know different things, blah de blah, but Dustin Hoffman's famous...isn't he? Maybe I know the wrong things...

Actually, that's probably true. I know who won what Oscar, but I don't know anything about Biology. No wonder Mrs Jeanes put me at the front. And now Amber, the great long-sufferer, is trying to make me move because, apparently:

• I steal her stuff.
• I jog her elbows.
• I refuse help.
• I don't work on Biology at lunchtimes so don't need as much help as she does.
• I ask too many questions.

Is she simple???

• One time, I asked to borrow her (not being used) ruler, and she didn't say anything. I asked again, to no reply, then borrowed it to underline a title. That happened. ONCE.
• I am right-handed, she is left-handed. How can I help it?
• Again, that happened once, when I was split up from Kat and Tash, and was in a dark mood. Ever since then I've sat at the front and done the work.
• I do, actually.
• What??? I'm not very good at Biology; I need to ask for help. She claims I do it "all the time". I can't help it, I find things difficult! Pardon me, Miss Fussy!

God, she annoys me.

Anyway, the month's big events are about to begin. On Friday (poo and crap I miss Drama) I have my music exam, then History trip, Birthday, Ann-Kathrin's visit (which I was ginormously nervous about, probably more so than her) then the most superlative, the best best best. HOLIDAY!!!

And...GREEN WING IS BACK! SO IS HUSTLE!!!

YYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!

8 out of 10 cats, Green Wing, Hustle, My Name is Earl...all we need now is Lenny Henry and Scrubs and we can make a weekend out of it. (Me and Jenny have a joint love of Lenny Henry. Well, not the person, just the programme.)

I saw him live a couple of years ago. Best show I've ever been to.

Hilarious 8 out of 10 cats quote:

45% of men _____ in the 1940s?

Comedienne: Is it "forty five percent of men lived on a diet of powdered egg and weasel in the 1940s"?

I think I may have fallen on the floor laughing at this point.

Ho Hum. Ooo, I've written a lot. Spent most of today doing oral questions and homework. And watching Friends videos and eating bacon sandwiches. Ah, the life of a Year 10 student...

For English, we have to find a subject we care strongly about, and later on we'll write a persuasive speech about it. I know exactly what to do already; The Bloody Royal Family. Grrr. Kat and Tash are having trouble though, apparently they don't have strong views on anything, which is a weeny bit surprising. Doesn't everyone?

Although saying that:

• They believe Shakespeare plays and poems are crap beyond belief.
• They believe David Tennant is a rubbish actor and is ugly beyond belief.
• They believe Carol Ann Duffy has some kind of mental problem, hence the slightly psychotic edge to her poems.
• They believe Cieran is at fault, not Chloe.
• Etc.

I don't really agree with any of these, especially the second one. The fourth one...nyeah, I think they're both idiots. Cieran and Chloe, that is.

Anway, had better go. Gonna delete all my swearing posts so you youngsters (I mean school-age youngsters, 30 is not old, and I've no idea how old Lisa is) can access this at school. Huzzah! See ya.

P.S. If anyone's seen Brokeback Mountain, what's it like? I'd really love to see it; is it good? (Don't worry about ruining the ending, I know what happens.)

P.S. Brokeback Mountain!

To steal a phrase from Jack, once more unto the blog, dear friends. It's Sunday evening, I've spent two hours doing a history essay and a multitude of hours trying to find someone's e-mail address and failing, miserably. Do people not live in the real world anymore?

Anyway, have been thinking a lot about films lately; to be specific (or "pacific" if you want to talk like MISS DEEEEEEEAN) film clichés. When you initially watch a film you don't really notice them, but when it's a third or fourth viewing they really become apparent.

Example: I saw Die Another Day, (aka Bond film no. 20) at a cinema in Devon in 2002. And guess what? I loved it, and thought it was brilliant. And in a sense it is, it has all the explosions and car chases, and everything. Then I watched it yesterday and was suddenly struck at how god damn awful some bits of it are.

Let the rant begin:

• Bond's quips in this film are bad and self-concious to the point of embarassment
  - "Saved by the bell."
  - "Oh, just surviving Mr Chang. Just surviving." (Why in Tennant's name did he have to say it twice?"
  - ...darn, I've forgotten most of them.

But each one was really, really awful. Especially this one:

[To Zao, who has diamonds embedded in his face.]
Bond: You know, I'll miss your sparkling personality.

Which is fine in itself, but then Zao punches him in the stomach, and...

"How's that for a punchline?"

URGH. Am I the only one who finds that absolutely crap? No? Just me? OK!

• Halle Berry emerging from the water in her bikini - unrealistic and clichéic (is that a word?).
• The huge, ridiculous, pointless sword fight.
• Gustav Grave's massive metal body suit thing with all the controls on it. I mean, come on, he looked like a rip-off of the Terminator.
• The overblown, ridiculous dialogue.

I could go on. I mean, I know they make fun of themselves from time to time, but this film is a complete joke!

And also, romantic clichés:

• Two two love interests will most likely be discussing something completely unromantic, then one thing leads to another and they sleep together.
• After a romantic encounter, there will be a massive argument between the two and they'll go their separate ways. Come the exciting finale, they're back together again.

I did think of more, but my brain's gone to mush.

...

...

...

Ah, sod it, I'm going.