To steal a phrase from Jack, once more unto the blog, dear friends. It's Sunday evening, I've spent two hours doing a history essay and a multitude of hours trying to find someone's e-mail address and failing, miserably. Do people not live in the real world anymore?

Anyway, have been thinking a lot about films lately; to be specific (or "pacific" if you want to talk like MISS DEEEEEEEAN) film clichés. When you initially watch a film you don't really notice them, but when it's a third or fourth viewing they really become apparent.

Example: I saw Die Another Day, (aka Bond film no. 20) at a cinema in Devon in 2002. And guess what? I loved it, and thought it was brilliant. And in a sense it is, it has all the explosions and car chases, and everything. Then I watched it yesterday and was suddenly struck at how god damn awful some bits of it are.

Let the rant begin:

• Bond's quips in this film are bad and self-concious to the point of embarassment
  - "Saved by the bell."
  - "Oh, just surviving Mr Chang. Just surviving." (Why in Tennant's name did he have to say it twice?"
  - ...darn, I've forgotten most of them.

But each one was really, really awful. Especially this one:

[To Zao, who has diamonds embedded in his face.]
Bond: You know, I'll miss your sparkling personality.

Which is fine in itself, but then Zao punches him in the stomach, and...

"How's that for a punchline?"

URGH. Am I the only one who finds that absolutely crap? No? Just me? OK!

• Halle Berry emerging from the water in her bikini - unrealistic and clichéic (is that a word?).
• The huge, ridiculous, pointless sword fight.
• Gustav Grave's massive metal body suit thing with all the controls on it. I mean, come on, he looked like a rip-off of the Terminator.
• The overblown, ridiculous dialogue.

I could go on. I mean, I know they make fun of themselves from time to time, but this film is a complete joke!

And also, romantic clichés:

• Two two love interests will most likely be discussing something completely unromantic, then one thing leads to another and they sleep together.
• After a romantic encounter, there will be a massive argument between the two and they'll go their separate ways. Come the exciting finale, they're back together again.

I did think of more, but my brain's gone to mush.

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Ah, sod it, I'm going.