Wild and Wandering Thoughts of a frizz-laden loon

Saturday, February 18, 2006

OK, that is IT, people. I accept that my life isn't lion tamingly, bomb diffusingly, snoggingly, travellingroundtheworldingly exciting, and I also appreciate that some people don't have very easy access to the internet, but you could at least have the manners to comment on my blog sometime! I do on yours.

Your punishment is one of my bizarre scenarios.

[The Scene - a dark, smelly room in a warehouse. The room is empty, save for Monty, Marie, Lisa, Kat, Tash, Janine, Sophie, Jack and Elizabeth. They are each tied to a chair with gags in their mouths; writhing furiously to try and get free, shouting through their gags, but to no avail. Suddenly a door bangs open somewhere, and Rosby enters, dragging a chair along with Amy bound to it.]

Rosby: Well, that's the last of them.

[She sets down the struggling Amy and faces everyone, a malicious smile playing on her face.]

My loyal slaves, all at my command. I warned you this would happen! "Comment on my blog!" I wrote, and yet you didn't. And so it has come to this.

Tash: [Struggling violently.] Mmmf pfff ffffff mmmm ffff!

Rosby: [Smiling evilly.] Hmm, had better remove the gag. [She does so.] What did you say?

Tash: [Furiously.] You can't keep us locked up here forever! We've got families! They're going to notice we're gone!

Rosby: Ahhh, I'm afraid you're mistaken there, Miss Evans. For in each of your houses, I have placed decoys where you would usually be, whether it be studying, playing Sims 2, writing a novel, anything. I always knew that my army of Year 7 clones would come in handy...

[She trails off, lost in a reverie. After a moment or two she snaps back to life and smirks.]

But enough monologuing, back to the plan! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at what I have achieved...[She starts to walk away but pauses.] I think taking off the gags will increase the impact of this one...

[She takes off each gag. The warehouse suddenly rings with shouts, bellows and screams. Rosby simply smiles beautifically and walks offstage for a minute or two. She comes back wheeling a tall, blue wooden box. Lisa and Marie stop yelling and stare at it, dumbfounded.]

Lisa: Is...is that what I think it is?

Rosby: [Patting it affectionately.] The very one. It was a lot of work getting it here, I can tell you. I had to fight off a rampaging Russell T Davies, but I managed it. Here it is. The TARDIS. And... [she opens the door.] ...guess what's inside?

[She gropes inside and pulls out David Tennant, still wearing his Doctor costume, clutching the sonic screwdriver, looking very confused. Marie and Lisa look at him, struck dumb with complete and utter shock.]

Kat: Oh...

Tash: My...

Elizabeth: Bloody...

Lisa & Marie: GOD!!!

David: [Waving nervously.] Hello!

Rosby: The one and only David Tennant. He was even more difficult to get here; without this boy's help... [she briefly pulls Binnie out of the TARDIS, then shoves him back in] ...I wouldn't have been able to brew my anti-Tennant anditode. For twelve hours I am immune to his looks, his charm, his teeth...but you, my dear Marie and Lisa, are not.

Marie: [Scoffing.] What, you seriously think you're going to be able to harm us with...

[Before she can finish, David turns towards her and gives her The Smile. She stops talking abruptly, stares at him with an open mouth, gives a faint choking sound, then faints.]

Lisa: Marie!

[David turns towards her. She looks at him involuntarily, her eyes flick to the screwdriver, she mutters something inaudible and passes out too. Everyone else watches in horror.]

Rosby: And for the others... Barrowman! [She brings him out.] Angelina Jolie! [She pulls her out of the TARDIS.] Max! [She pulls him out too. The respective people faint away. Kat, Tash, Jack and Elizabeth are left.]

Hmm...it's more difficult to do it with you. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll find a -

Jack: [Interrupting.] Rosby...

Rosby: [Irritated.] What?

Jack: Exactly when did you steal David Tennant?

Rosby: Yesterday, at twelve o'clock in the afternoon.

Jack: Right...and when did you take the antidote?

Rosby: At the same time! Wait a second. [She looks at the clock; just after midnight. She gasps.] Oh no...oh no...

[On cue, David faces her and flashes the grin. She gives a gasp and staggers backwards. Kat looks at David and then at Tash in despair.]

Kat: Do we really have to endure this?

Tash: Who cares, it's weakening her!

[Rosby is finding it difficult to stay upright. With a final gasp, she collapses to the floor.]

Rosby: [Muttering.] I'm going to kill Binnie...[she passes out.]

[David stops grinning and starts sheperding the new arrivals back into the TARDIS.]

David: Hurry up, come on, come on, that's it...

Kat: Um...how are they all fitting in there? It's really small.

[David gives her a look of utter disdain.]

David: Don't you even WATCH Doctor Who?




And there my (altogether far too vivid) imagination runs out. The moral is: you've got to comment some time!

11 Comments:

  • We surrender to your brilliance!

    In defence I have had a helluva week and have scarcely had time to look at many blogs: would it redeem me if I said I had been planning and saving a thorough read of you and Marie for Sunday?

    No, I guess not.

    But I bow before your imagination and salute you fully at Rullsenberg. Truly, you are the genius of Doctor Who/David Tennant scenarios!!!

    Seriously, gal, you really need to publicise these!

    By Blogger Lisa Rullsenberg, at 10:21 AM  

  • OK, so let me get this straight. In order to get me to comment, you threaten me with the suggestion that if I *don't*, you will steal David Tennant and get him to smile at me. And this is supposed to make me comment? Yeah. Right. I am certainly not going to comment if that's my punishment. No way. Never.

    Oh. I just did, didn't I?

    By Blogger Marie, at 12:36 PM  

  • ...good point. Very good point.

    *runs off*

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:36 PM  

  • I have been in Austria for the past week! There was no computers there! AND I DON'T FANCY JB!

    By Blogger Sophie B, at 6:30 AM  

  • I was probably still standing in the tardis - it's rather roomy, you know.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:22 AM  

  • Sehr sehr amusamant. Possiblement.
    I am invincible.

    PS I have actually watched Dr Who you know. It was OK up until the part where David Tennant came onto the scene.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:32 AM  

  • How am I supposed to comment more on your blog if you don't post anything new?

    Oh, I just did, didn't I? Again. You are smarter than me.

    By Blogger Marie, at 11:44 AM  

  • aaaaaaaargh

    sorry i didn't comment, i was away in france. don't tie me up :(

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:27 PM  

  • Hang the hell on!

    I'm offended at my less-than-minor role in that fabulous story. And how was I weakened?

    Who was I weakened by?

    By Blogger Monty A K-E, at 1:43 PM  

  • As a protest - i'm not gonna comment on your blog for a while.

    I mean... Who's Barrowman; Who's Max; What's so attractive about Angelina Jolie?

    Peh!
    And Peh! to the highest extent!

    By Blogger Monty A K-E, at 1:49 PM  

  • Well I originally wrote Hugh Laurie, but it was a crap joke. It can be by whoever you like the most...so obviously I don't know.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:11 PM  

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