8 out of 10 Cats

My blogmeisters, it's time to introduce you (if you haven't been introduced already) to the splendidity that is 8 out of 10 Cats. On Channel 4. It's about surveys and opinion polls, and it is Hil-AR-ious. All these quotes came from just one episode:

(By the way, apologies for the depressing post the other day. I feel a lot better since then. Thanks for being nice commenters!)

The panelists are supposed to guess the top five talking points in the news this week:

Jane Middlemiss: One thing they're talking about is this water shortage, you know, the drought. Now Jimmy, I'm no scientist. But it's been raining all week. Where's the drought?


Answers to what poll Sherlock Holmes might have appeared on:

Jane Middlemiss: One hundred sexiest Victorians.

Jane Middlemiss: Men who aren't returning my calls.

Sean Locke: It might be a poll of people that the public think are real. Life Sherlock Holmes, many people don't actually realise that he's a fictional character like Tintin, or Michael Winner.

Man: Is it people you'd call if you were being stalked by a large, brutal, flesh-eating dog?
Jimmy Carr: I'm not sure, let me check...noooo.
Man: Oh, damn!


Word fill game - 43% of Brits think their Grandmother is _______

American Guy: Taking her fucking time with the tea.

American Guy: I think that 43% of Brits think that their Grandmother is good-looking. You know, hot, whew.
Jimmy Carr: Yes, because you know so much about women, don't you?
American Guy: Well, yeah I do. See, women talk to gay guys a lot because they think we're listening...


Word fill game - Accountants _____ more than any other profession.

Team leader: I think it's "kill".

Jimmy Carr: A clue: it's something they do in their spare time.
Jane Middlemiss: Smoke...Cigarettes! Drink...alcohol!
Jimmy Carr: Not quite...
Jane Middlemiss: Have sex with dogs!

Jimmy Carr: Accountants read for pleasure more than any other profession.
Jane Middlemiss: Oh, boooring!
Jimmy Carr: Well, I'm sorry! What did you have in mind?
Jane Middlemiss: Have sex with dogs! (Manical grin)

Sean Locke: (About the other team) Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the 2020 cast of Last of the Summer Wine!
Johnny Vegas: Wa-hey!
Sean Locke: That desk'll be pushed down a hill with them all behind it.
Johnny Vegas: Yeah and at the end of the show we'll sort of disappear behind it singing the theme tune, you know, doo doo doo doo...
American Guy: You know I'm smiling and nodding along but I can't understand a word they're saying!
Sean Locke: It's like a Romanian circus act, isn't it! (They start singing and waving their hands in the air.)
Jimmy Carr: Do you remember when we were doing the five most talked about things...some time ago...?


Well, it may not sound appealing to you, but I love it.

Saw the first two episodes of Lost this morning (I recorded them). Very very good so far. Satisfyingly scary.

Have also indulged in a little horror movie-ing. Watched Scream, Scream 2 and Scream 3 in the space of two days. Scream = brilliant. Scream 2 = crap. Scream 3 = Very good.

The next move will be to watch the Exorcist. But I'm not sure I can pluck up the courage right now.

Amy was very dpressing in her last post. I know she'll be very mad at me for saying this, but ever since she got together with Max she's been kind of neurotic. Ok, very neurotic. She ought to lighten up a bit.

On the romantic front things are at an all-time low for me. Told the person I liked how I feel, and as I already knew they don't like be back, so...I don't know. Not feeling too good about the whole thing at the moment.

Anyway, am now going to face the sun and get an ice cream. Catch you on the flip side, dude!